• HOME
  • ABOUT
  • ABROAD
    • Destinations
    • Itineraries
    • City Guides
    • Resources
  • AT HOME
    • San Francisco
    • Freelance Life
  • CONTACT
  • SHOP

Part-Time Traveler

Find your balance of travel and home.

Home » Personal » What Is Harder To Face: Fear or Regret?

What Is Harder To Face: Fear or Regret?

February 18, 2014 Personal

I begin each morning by identifying three things I want to accomplish that day.
I also leave a bit of room for things to pop up throughout the day, because I like never really knowing where the day will take me.

Today it took me to a couple of phone calls with close friends that ended up forming a theme.
One friend was considering a lucrative offer to live and teach abroad in South America.  Sounds good, right?  The friend she was planning to go with backed out and she wasn’t sure she wanted to go alone. The other friend was considering moving —  from the place she has called home for the last thirty years to the city she’s always wanted to live in. Both were unsure of how to proceed.  They knew what they wanted — but when the time came to make the decision they were feeling the same limitation: fear.

fear or regret, which is harder to face?I’ve heard it said that every action has one of two feelings driving it: love or fear. If fear is really that dominant in our lives, there must be a reason.
Fear serves us well. It keeps us from being emotionally or physically reckless with our lives. It often stops us from inflicting damage on ourselves or others. It might also, however, unnecessarily stop us from embracing a change that is good for us.  It may keep us from visiting a place or meeting a person that enriches our lives. When fear is not serving us, how can we overcome it? And how do we know the difference?

Ask yourself:
What is holding you back besides fear?
If you can’t answer this question, proceed to the next….
What is it exactly that you are you afraid of? Is it being alone, not being safe and secure? Or is it the judgment of others?
What is waiting for you on the other side of fear?

I asked my friend today what exactly it was she was afraid of, moving abroad to teach. Her reply: “it’s a fear of the unknown.”
In embracing the “unknown,” we accept that we don’t have much if any control over the future. Your level of comfort with fear and the unknown is ultimately a reflection of your level of optimism. The unknown could be bad or worse — but it could also be great or better.

So what next? The most important question you can ask yourself also happens to be the antidote for fear: what are you going to regret more?
When we really want something, we don’t let fear hold us back. Choosing to side with your fear means you didn’t really want it that much in the first place.

everything you want is on the other side of fearFor so many of us, this is what travel gives us. With each trip, with each new country, we gain incremental perspective and experience that adds up to confidence. The sixteen-year-old me that went to Germany is not the same as the twenty-year-old me that moved in with a family in Barcelona — nor the twenty-five-year old me that went to India to teach. Travel isn’t the only reason for this — but it’s a large part of it.
I felt so much fear when I left my job to travel. I felt fear when I wasn’t sure what country I’d be visiting next or where I’d be sleeping that night. I felt fear as I learned to scuba dive, bungy jump off a bridge, or attempted to speak French to a waiter in Paris (What! They’re really intimidating!)

The irony is that I feel more fear now that I’m not traveling. I am scared of the uncertainty I have to cozy up to in order to start my life over from scratch.
When I explain this to friends, they universally acknowledge that the fear is valid. They then resolve, “it is much more exciting than it is scary.” And that’s true.

“Making a big life change is scary.  You know what’s scarier?  Regret.”

Comfort zones are fun places to be. I crave comfort and familiarity as much as the next person. Yet by now we know that life is change. If you’re standing at the edge of a ledge, and you know that you’ll have to eventually jump off…would you rather you worked up the courage and decided to leap, or would you rather someone pushed you off? (Because life will push you.  That’s how it works.)

The beautiful paradox is the more we leap, the more confident we become in the act of leaping. The more we choose to jump, the more side effects of change — such as growth and perspective — we gain.
I’m beginning to see that the more fear, the more unknown, that I am comfortable living with…the more possibility and potential I am open to. It’s what’s on the other side of fear that excites me. It has certainly proven true for me in my travels.

We can’t abandon fear altogether, but we can work to get over there — wherever there may be — faster.

What places have you traveled that were scary at the time (but might not be now?)
What are you on the cusp of? Where in your life is fear or regret the only thing holding you back?
Could travel be something that helps you become more comfortable with leaping?

Image via Pinterest

Image via Pinterest

“I regret that time I spent traveling.” – Said no one, ever.

Leave a Comment

SHARE
« Rome in Black + White
I Saved the World Today »

YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE

  • 10 Ways to Bring More Travel Into Your Life Now
  • Full-Time Traveler?
  • Should You Go Abroad During the Holidays?
  • On Living With Less: Travel and Simplicity

Want to travel more while still keeping a home base?

Sign up for exclusive content:

 

Winner of Gold and Silver 2019 Solas Awards for Best Travel Writing.

About Anne

Anne Lowrey is an award-winning travel writer based in San Francisco.

After spending a year in the world, she insisted on building a life at home she loved as much as she loves travel. The result was a move to SF, which she affectionately calls her “soul city.” She believes in the balance of and connection between time spent at home and abroad.

Comments

  1. Ashley Kosher says

    February 18, 2014 at 9:06 am

    You hit the nail on the head with this one! I’m stuck in limbo land right now…. comfy happy life vs. the fear of quitting it all to try something new.
    I wish the unknown wasn’t so damn scary! haha!

    Reply
    • Anne says

      February 18, 2014 at 9:47 am

      Hi Ashley, I’m glad the post resonated with you!
      It comes down to this…which do you want more? And remember, it is scary but it can also be exciting.
      Best of luck and thanks for reading!

      Reply
  2. Naomi says

    February 18, 2014 at 9:18 am

    At the time, moving to Delhi was SUPER scary! Now, not so much at ALL!
    Love this quote : The beautiful paradox is the more we leap, the more confident we become in the act of leaping.

    Reply
    • Anne says

      February 18, 2014 at 9:49 am

      The thought of going to Delhi scared the crap out of me and I was only there for one month!
      I know that experience must have helped shape who you are today. I’m glad for that!
      And thanks for sharing your favorite quote…you know how I LOVE quotes 🙂

      Reply
  3. Desiree' Choy says

    February 18, 2014 at 8:24 pm

    Friend is not nearly enough to describe the beauty that is YOU. You are truly an inspiration carrying a guiding light for those lucky enough to surround you. I can’t wait to see what life holds around the next corner for you. Thank you for being my supportive guiding light!

    Reply
    • Anne says

      February 19, 2014 at 10:32 am

      🙂 Thank you for these beautiful words! You are equally inspiring and supportive to me — which is how friendship should always look, if you ask me. Thank you for reading and for being in my life!

      Reply
  4. Nita says

    March 12, 2014 at 2:11 pm

    Love this post, Anne! Very well written 🙂 Fear is tough, but the feeling of regret could haunt you forever. And I agree with you, travel somehow provides you with more courage to go after what you love!

    Reply
    • Anne says

      March 14, 2014 at 9:48 am

      I love that. “Travel provides you with more courage to go after what you love.” That is so true, and SO beautifully said!

      Reply
  5. Kat @ BitchesWork.com says

    March 17, 2014 at 4:03 pm

    I feel you on this ironic fear after getting back from traveling. I love your line, “The beautiful paradox is the more we leap, the more confident we become in the act of leaping.” Even though it rings so true, its crazy how uncomfortable and scary it feels Can’t wait to catch up once I’m back in SF 😀

    Reply
  6. Lily Lau says

    January 7, 2015 at 5:51 pm

    You made me reflect with this post! It depends, I’d say regret unless we’re talking about night fears!

    Reply
    • Anne says

      January 10, 2015 at 3:39 pm

      I’m glad the post helped you reflect. I agree that fear is much easier to cope with than regret, and it’s what I try to remember whenever I’m facing fears.

      Reply

Trackbacks

  1. » Whose Dream Are You Living? says:
    January 5, 2015 at 4:03 pm

    […] http://www.parttimetraveler.com/harder-face-fear-regret/ – Anne Lowery […]

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

I’m Anne! I spend part of my time traveling the world and the other part living in my soul city, San Francisco.

I have a love for all things travel. I also have a love for nesting. I do NOT believe the two have to be mutually exclusive. If you seek that balance…you’ve come to the right place.

LOOKING FOR SOMETHING?

Where Am I?

Last: We honeymooned in Greece (Santorini, Milos, Crete) and babymooned in Northern Italy (Piemonte, Lombardia, and Emilia Romagna.)

Next: ???

Now: At home in San Francisco, doubling down on nesting with our newborn baby  ♡

POPULAR POSTS

30 Life Lessons I Learned From Travel (And How They’re Making Me Happier At Home)

Nan: The Quieter Version of Thailand

san francisco restaurants

The Side of San Francisco Most Tourists Don’t See

“If travel is like love, it is mostly because it’s a heightened state of awareness, in which we are mindful, receptive, undimmed by familiarity and ready to be transformed. That is why the best trips, like the best love affairs, never really end.” – Pico Iyer

Plan a Trip

PLAN A TRIP

 

I’ve got…

PLAN A TRIP

  • One Day
  • One Week
  • Two+ Weeks

JOIN THE LIST

Find your balance between home and travel.

Not Como but…Iseo! Looking to return to the lake Not Como but…Iseo!
Looking to return to the lakes of North Italy, we considered Como, Garda, Maggiore, Orta…and in the end we chose Lake Iseo, the one least known (to me.)

It was a beautifully uncrowded atmosphere that only added to our relaxation. Aside from enjoying the lakefront hotel and restaurants, we took a day to visit Monte Isola, the island in the middle of the lake, and another to drive around the perimeter, stopping at villages nestled by the lake’s edge or up into the mountains as needed (cappuccino, gelato, aperitivo, etc.) 

If you’re looking for a smaller, calmer Italian lake experience, add this one to your list! 
—
#parttimetraveler #lagodiseo #italianlakes #italianbeauty
I’ve mostly traveled Italy by train (still my fa I’ve mostly traveled Italy by train (still my favorite way!) but for this trip we decided to rent a 🚗 so that we had a little more freedom to explore and discover smaller villages and countryside. 

If you haven’t yet thought to do this outside of Tuscany, I highly recommend! It’s great to be able to see and support smaller spots and businesses that don’t get much as much tourist traffic. 
—
#parttimetraveler #piemonte #italytraveltips #slowtravel
Bella Italia 🇮🇹🤍 looking forward to shari Bella Italia 🇮🇹🤍 looking forward to sharing more photos this week from my recent journey in Northern Italy!
I’ve also got some news to share…
—
#parttimetraveler #northernitaly #bellaitalia #traveldeeper
Como calls ✨ I’m actually visiting a smaller, Como calls ✨ I’m actually visiting a smaller, much lesser known Italian lake this time. Can’t wait to share more! 🇮🇹
#northernitaly #italianlakes #lagodicomo
Hi friends, it’s been awhile. I’ve got an inte Hi friends, it’s been awhile. I’ve got an international trip planned that starts next week 🧳 😭 Can you guess where? #parttimetraveler #ontheroadagain
Feeling grateful today for another trip taken arou Feeling grateful today for another trip taken around the sun ☀️ and for being able to do so with many favorite people (and in some of my favorite places!)

It can be difficult to celebrate big days or little happy moments amongst the current heaviness of the world. But we must 🌴🌴
—
#bigisland #smallbirthday #alohasunday
9.3.21 :: by far the best day of 2021 and the star 9.3.21 :: by far the best day of 2021 and the start of what makes me most excited for the years to come. ✨
📷 @amandaweiphoto

#sanfranciscowedding #tiburonreception #sfcityhall #2021bride #grateful
Note to self: take more walks just after sunrise 🌁 
#alwaysSF #iphoneonly
Mentally, I’m here right now. 🇬🇷 #milosg Mentally, I’m here right now. 🇬🇷 

#milosgreece #honeymoondestination #parttimetraveler
CONNECT ON INSTAGRAM

© 2022 PART-TIME TRAVELER         Privacy Policy + Terms of Use          Subscribe

THEME BY ECLAIR DESIGNS